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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Seeking: Peace at Christmas

I have a tendency toward nostalgia, and a penchant to truly enjoy an event in retrospect, rather than “enjoying the moment.”  I should say – I used to feel this way; thankfully, in the past several years, I’ve been focusing on being present “here and now,” and I’m finding life to be a lot easier to handle because of it.

Christmas is an especially challenging time for me each year.  My mom died of lung cancer on January 6, 2002.  She struggled with chemo and radiation for a year beforehand, and for one entire month during that summer, the doctors could find no trace of cancer in her body.  It was a gloriously happy month; one that we enjoyed immensely, even though we both knew the unspoken truth – that this cancer would return, and with a vengeance.  There wasn’t much time.

My mom fell seriously ill for the last time on Christmas Eve, 2001.  And so, for the past nine years, I have grown to loathe Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve reminded me of hospitals, grave looks on doctors’ faces, nurses getting me a hot cup of tea.  And my dear mom, my best friend and only close living relative, slowly slipping away from me – utter despair.

And last year, I remembered something.  The very last time Mom was able to communicate with me was on that Christmas Eve.  When I was a child, we held hands when shopping together, and she would always look down at me, smile, and squeeze my hand three times to silently say, “I (squeeze) love (squeeze) you (squeeze.)”  On that last Christmas Eve, that was the last thing my mom ever did for me – squeeze my hand three times, before drifting off where I could not follow.

“I love you.”  There are no better parting words.

So, on Christmas Eve this year, I held that memory close to my heart.  The Birth of Jesus Christ is, to me, the most outrageous act of love ever shown in all of time and space – that the Creator of the Universe would flesh out for us, to heal us, teach us, love us, and show us The Way.  God squeezes our hands three times in all we do as we journey through this life.  We are blessed to have many Heavenly Parents!  And for all of this world’s sadness and loss, we still have the ever-present love of a Wonderful Counsellor- a Prince of Peace.  Thanks be to God.

May Christmastide and the New Year bring you abundant blessings from our beloved Creator.

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