Seeking: True Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is but two days away, and let's face it -- it's about more than turkey dinner, football, and after-dinner walks with the family.  It's even more than about finding the loosest stretch pants in order to cope with the 4,000 calorie meal (though this is extremely important.)

There is a very funny piece written by Woody Allen called "Notes from the Overfed."  I think of this essay every Thanksgiving.  Woody writes in the first person, discussing his uncontrollable eating habits and obsessions   It all begins when he realizes that if God is in everything, then He is in food -- and the more he eats, the more closely connected with God he could become... unfortunately, culminating in the fact that his stomach "crosses the state line by itself."   "Abbondanza", over abundance, blessing upon blessing!

It is always worth remembering that we are constantly being overfed by God.  You don't think so?  Look around you.  We live in a beautiful world.  We are given bodies, souls, and multiple senses with which to enjoy, absorb, learn, and grow.  We have the ability to truly rejoice in our world, and in those around us.  We are given countless ways to express our gratitude to the One who loves us more than we could ever possibly imagine.  Our God is constantly bestowing the blessings of His presence upon us, His love, His unending mercy.  Our relationship with God is "all-you-can-eat"!

In Hinduism, many devotees offer "prasadam" -- food offered up in gratitude to God.  In Christianity, we have the Eucharist, which literally means "thanksgiving" - given to us by Jesus in order to remember Him, and strengthen us as Christians.  In so many faiths and cultures, food and gratitude are somehow, in a variety of ways, inextricably linked in our expression of love for God, and "communion" with Him.

So this Thanksgiving...we all need to step away from the turkey and take a good look around us.  Here we are.  And here is the One.  That is reason enough to say "thanks be to God!" 

Seeking: Intermission

We interrupt this blog for perfect wisdom from St. Patrick:

As I arise today, may the strength of God pilot me, the power of God uphold me, the wisdom of God guide me. May the eye of God look before me, the ear of God hear me, the word of God speak for me. May the hand of God protect me, the way of God lie before me, the shield of God defend me, the host of God save me. May Christ shield me today...Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit, Christ when I stand, Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me, Christ in every eye that sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me. Amen.

~ Saint Patrick of Ireland, Bishop and Missionary

Seeking: Hands

I could never let go of the side of the pool.

My mom started dragging me to swimming lessons when I turned 5.  The Hartford YWCA was my first swimming school.  Wonderful, large, heated pool, with three or four other little girls who were chomping at the bit to dive in and learn how to survive in water.

I stood there, admiring the (seemingly) blue water, thinking how nice it would be to dangle my feet over the side -- then have my mother promptly scoop me up and take me out of there before the water filled my lungs.

Hi - my name is Marie, and I am a YWCA swim class drop out.

Over the next few years, I failed the Town of Bristol and Town of Newington swimming classes.  Then Newington High School - my swimming instructor was never so disgusted in his life by the fear in my cow eyes and continual nail biting.

I almost dislocated my shoulder by jumping in the deep end (under force, mind you) and grabbing on to the side of the pool. 

And why?  No trust.  No trust that I would bob back up to the top, despite my instructors' (increasing irritation) in telling me that I would.  No.  I was convinced I would sink, sink, sink...and either end up dead at the bottom of the pool, or sucked into one of those filter vents and wind up on the Dark Side.
And this was all because, as a kid, my dad misjudged and didn't catch me, as promised, as I came down a waterslide into an amusement park pool.  I remember the bubbles, and lack of my father's hands as I sank down to the bottom.  (Yes, he eventually did pull me out and dealt with my predictable hysterics.)
Trust.  Do you have trust issues, too?

My biggest trust issue which I have finally won is my trust in God.  This is after 40+ years of praying, studying, and observing how God works in my and others' lives.  Psalm 37 tell us to "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act."  I finally believe it, and by doing so, I am free.  Free to explore life; free to live, free to die, challenge myself, experience all the good and bad that life has to offer; free to risk letting go of the side of the pool. 

I still can't swim. But if I fall into water again, I know my Father will catch me.  Do you know that God's hands are there for you, too?

Seeking: God in Dreams

Leave it to my wonderfully profound friend, Dennis, for posing the fascinating question...

...have any of us experienced the presence of God in dreams?

I have a recurring dream that began when I was a child -- I have this dream about once a year.  I am walking down a beach, alone, and off in the distance, I see Jesus walking ahead of me, with His back to me.  His pace remains calm, measured, confident in faith, and purposeful.  I, on the other hand (as I often do in real life), am running like a maniac, tripping the sand, falling down, scrambling, just trying to catch up with Him.  I can hear my voice shouting His name over and over again, begging Him to stop, or at least slow down.  The faster I run, the slower He walks - until He turns around and within a blink, he is directly in front of me.  He smiles, takes my hand, and we silently walk together to an unknown destination.

I love this dream.  It never changes, and it has a lasting effect on me for weeks and weeks afterward.  Is it really the presence of Jesus?  I like to think so.  Friends of mine will point out that it could be the result of a somewhat older tuna salad sandwich from the night before. 

How about any of you?  Do you sense God's presence in your dreams?

Seeking: Missed Call

I’m 47, so it’s “mid-life crisis” time…and like most people my age, I’m doing a lot of reflecting on the past thirty years of my life.  Like you, I look back fondly at some choices I’ve made…and want to jump into a volcano when I remember others.

One event that happened to me at age 16 haunts me to this day.  I’m a cradle Catholic, but when my parents divorced when I was 8 years old, they had an unfortunate conversation with a priest who refused to grant them an annulment.  That was the end of their Catholic lives, and if not for my maternal grandmother, it would have been the end of mine as well.  Grandma whisked me to Mass when no one was looking…more to give me strength and peace rather than to “save my soul.”  She was spiritual and practical, and her actions helped to give me faith and hope.

The big event was preceded by three years of discerning whether to enter religious life.  Not a soul on earth knew I was praying about and considering this, but I took it very seriously, and kept wondering what God was possibly calling me to do.

Finally, one day, I said, “Lord, I don’t usually go this route, but I need a very direct, clear sign from you soon – are you inspiring me to enter religious life, or do I just have more issues than Readers' Digest?”  Doubting, I hopped into my pajamas and went to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up, and opened the front door to get the morning paper (something we had in the old days.)  No newspaper… just a paperback book.  Puzzled, I picked it up.  It was a book about religious life.  I opened the front cover, and there was an address label from a sister in the Midwest.  I nearly dropped the book.  I had no idea where it came from, and never found out.

And I was so frightened that I dropped the whole thing.

Missed Call?   Strange coincidence? 

I have faith that “God writes straight with crooked lines.”  I believe that, if we remain close to God in prayer, God will guide and direct our days, even if we try to take a shortcut and wind up on the wrong road.  God will always bring us around.  However, I can’t shake the possibility that God was still speaking…and I hung up on Him.

My mantra ever since is “listen.”  Shut up, and listen ~- and listen more.  You can’t have a conversation with your Father if you do all the talking.  You might miss something quite important.

Seeking: Apocalypse Now

In perusing through my personal library last night, I came across The Late, Great Planet Earth, written by Hal Lindsey in 1970.  It was the non-fiction bestseller of the 1970’s ~ the first Christian prophecy book published by a secular book publisher, long before any of us were threatened to be Left Behind.  I remember copies of that book in the back seat of people’s cars, on coffee shop tables, book bags - everyplace.  Part of my family has been born-again Christian for decades, so this book was discussed every time we saw them…

“Wow, Marie is growing up so fast!  Marie honey, are you planning to go to college?  The Lord is coming back SOON, so you might not want to go to college in NYC or anyplace where there might be intense nuclear explosions, causing you to melt from the inside out.”

(And I thought…the Second Coming of Christ involves His bringing nuclear bombs?  Did I somehow miss this in scripture?  “I’ll be baaah-ck”?)

“I’m not counting on retirement,” said another cousin.  “When Jesus returns, He’s gonna snatch me out of thin air, and I’ll retire in the Heavenly Kingdom!  It’s gonna be SOON!”

(“Hey, Rocky – wanna watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat?”)

Well, here we are in 2010, and as of yet, no deus ex machina.  Can we imagine what the Second Coming of Christ be like?  Will it be a literal return of Jesus?  Will it be an intensified and inspiring Spirit descending, a la Pentecost?  Or – can we perhaps focus on the fact that Jesus is already present within our hearts right this moment?  Maybe we don’t have to wait for the Kingdom of God after all – it’s right here, right now.  And if so…what shall we do in the Kingdom today?

Seeking: Shared Experience

Thank you for visiting my blog!  My name is Marie, and I live in central Connecticut.  I’m in my 40’s (*sob*) and have worked in Catholic and Protestant church administration for the past thirty years.  We are all seeking something in life – it could be love, wealth, social status, career advancement, children, family, etc.   I am a bit of a spiritual nomad in searching for a clearer understanding of God in the many forms in which I believe God reveals God’s self to us.  First and foremost, I find a limitless well of love and understanding within Christianity, and most of all, within the heart of Jesus.  I also love exploring other faiths and spirituality in order to gain a broader and perhaps deeper understanding of the One who created us, loves us, and wants us to love in return.  I'd love to learn more about your spiritual thoughts and experiences. 

Oh, and where to find the best Indian food.  I do have my priorities.

 May God’s love be with you!